the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
