I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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