thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
