the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
