just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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