Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
