PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
