remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
did you just send me my own nude
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
