Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
