Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
