I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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