As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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