I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
