life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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