Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
