Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
