i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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