Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
