You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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