i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
