yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize