dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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