Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am midnight drunk by noon
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
