god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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