I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
