The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
