i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
