I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
