You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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