There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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