return my video game
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
