woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
