that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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