Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
