I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
