Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
