never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize