He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it hurts more in the daytime
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
