All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
