last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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