Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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