my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
