morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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