I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
