Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
me + whiskey = a bad person
MIDGETS
????
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
