If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
