Will you blow on my dice?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
