Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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