its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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