yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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