My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
