Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
