im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
