New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
