can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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