I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
