Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
