Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
