He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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