operation harelip BJ is a go
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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