It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
