I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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